This term "so close yet so far" seems very abstract until you really have experienced it! I have profoundly feel it recently. when you stand next to somebody, you just don't know what to talk about. The conversation between are all those trivial things. You can feel he built high walls around and his heart is blocked. You have no idea what he's thinking and how he feels! You only feel that he's so far away from you and that's a bloody bad feeling! It really makes you feel blue and depress but nothing can be done.

I would like to thanks all my dear friends for remembering my birthday, thanks for their ecard, sms message and phone call which filled with their blessings! That's so touching!

everything within this universe has two sides, just like the two sides of a coin.  we have light and we'll have darkness; we have good things and we'll have bad things; we have happiness and sure we'll have sadness; there's love and there's hatred! how much joy you gain from one person, you can have equal amount of sorrow from the same person.  it seems that the most secure thing to find out the balance point. but, where's the equilibrium? even if you found out that, the question is: will you be perfectly happy to stay at that point forever?

 

 

 

 

finally, i have gone through all those horrible tests!!! yeah!! and now, waiting for the report lor!!

I had found an outdated SD card by Nikon which is 8MB (then you'll notice how "old" it is!) the other day.  As it is so old, i cant find any card reader that is capable to transmit the photos out from the card. When i feel that's a shame and nothing i can do, i realize that the  3 in 1 fax machine at home actually have a slot that can read the card! Hahaha......i finally have all the photos back! what a luck!

i had a drink with a friend i haven't seen for 2 years last night. he claimed that he is not a good guy and i do agreed with that but sure he is a funny guy. i guess he's can also be a good friend though i didn't know him very well. on the way he drove me home, i ask him if he's gonna re-open his "consultation letter box", he said i don't need it as i know what i want! haaa.....am i? is it becoz he didn't know me well, or just compare with my friend or maybe deep inside i did know? i do think my friend actually know what she wants but just a matter of choice.

actually the passed away of my friend gives me a great impact. i start thinking about what i want for my life and try to retake my courage to face it.

there are two things that i haven't been doing for a long time and i did it in once this weekend! actually i haven't play badminton and go out for a drink with friends for a long time. this saturday, i did both! i first went back home for a shower and get change after badminton, then go out for a drink with friends! i'm so tired today but i did have a good time and met a few new friends last night. i found i did quite enjoying myself. so i guess i'll do it more often!

bb's health's not really good recently, i guess she has too much pressure, mainly for work and study. she really needs a break and relax. we have been talking the other day that we should move to somewherelse (uk's a good idea as some of her familt's there) together!  at the time being, maybe it's a good idea to plan for a trip like last time to prague. we did have a very good time but we missed the snow. so maybe this time, we'll have luck. Vienna is a good choice. that means i have to save $$$ very very hard this year lar!

i am the kind of person who don't like (well, scare i think) to visit doctor, dentist etc.  but i do agree that a body check once a year is needed. dont know whether it is for fortunate or not, due to some health reason, the most difficult part of the body check will leave til maybe next week. so, i guess today won't be too hard at all. but don't know why my hands' shaking, not due to fear, just a bit dizzy and sharking. maybe lack of glucose? let's get something sweet now!

personally i don't like rainy day, i guess i hate it.  it can always gives you a bad mood! however, i do admire drizzle at spring time. it gives a blue but romantic feelings and reminds me the days at England.  i don't have much good and intense memory for rainy day.  except that i remember once, which happened ages ago at London.  I did have some childlike behavior: i treasure that little umbrella which bring back the good memory for quite a long time!

When I am sharing the tributes with Adrian's friends and family, i have a sudden thought.  If one day i left this world, what will my friends going to share with others about my life in their tributes? I can think of nothing! I didn't have much achievement or did something that i can proud of myself! I am afraid that my friends and family will become speechless or very difficult to find something good of me to say in their tributes!

I have contradiction thoughts after the funeral. As life is so fragile and short, full of uncertainties and out of our control, i should be tresure and satisfied what i have now and learn to know and find out the good things of the people around me? Or i should do whatever makes me happy and seems worth it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merciful Father,
hear our prayers and comfort us;
renew our trust in your Son,
whom you raised from the dead;
strengthen our faith
that Adrian who have died in the love of Christ
will share in his resurrection;
who lives and reigns with you,
now and for ever. 

雖然抗戰後討回自己應得的, 但其實很倦的, 真想不續約算吧, 反正前途一片黑暗! 如果以前我一定做o左, 而家要開飯嘛!

 

如果現在有人對我說: 唔冼受氣, 唔好做嘞, 我養你!  嘩, 可能我即時lur 飯應呢! 不過可惜冇ㄚ, 唯有繼續捱囉!

i just finished my appraisal early this month and few days ago, we have been informed we need to do it again! it is not really a problem at first. but i found that my score's been downgraded for about 8% after the second appraisal without any reason! i'm so annoy by this and therefore go straight to my boss for an explanation. what he said was just the score can't be changed and he's using some sort of standard and can do nothing about it! as far as i know, my other colleagues also been downgraded but with a very smaller factor and this is just not fair!  i was now become the second lowest among all! especially compare with someone who have no output at all! after negotiation with him for yesterday afternoon and this morning, he promised to give all of us an "extra" 0.5 points just to let our average close to other teams! what a "merciful" boss! so, i guess i sort of retain what i deserve! but this kind of action really discourage us so much.

 

 

life's seems boring recently especially it rains cats and dogs the whole weekend! that make you have absolutly no mood to go out! but it's really boring staying home the whole weekend, i definitely need to go out for a while! i'm almost bore to death! maybe just messing around and see if any friend will fancy to come out and have a cup of coffee!

 

well, i'm accompany my friend who's getting married next year for her wedding gown and make-up trial recently. she's my best friend and we knew each other since kindergarden! time really flies, some of my friend have just got married and some's planning to do so soon. me? dont know, hope someone'll willing to marry me the next few years lor!  sometimes i'll wondering what am i looking for, how you know that's the one for you? you'll never know whether you ve made a right choice or not! so many queries!

 

my heart can still feel the pain recently, why? it's sure not feeling good and i hope it wont last long!