This term "so close yet so far" seems very abstract until you really have experienced it! I have profoundly feel it recently. when you stand next to somebody, you just don't know what to talk about. The conversation between are all those trivial things. You can feel he built high walls around and his heart is blocked. You have no idea what he's thinking and how he feels! You only feel that he's so far away from you and that's a bloody bad feeling! It really makes you feel blue and depress but nothing can be done.

男人和女人又吵了一架，那時他們正商量結婚。男人摔門出來，女人扔出一句話：“是個男人就別再敲這扇門！”

一個白天，在心煩意亂中過去。最終，男人還是踟躕地走到門邊，摁響了門鈴。可是門沒有開，男人知道女人就在屋裡。男人摁了第二次，門依舊緊閉。男人第三次摁響了門鈴。在摁門的同時，男人感到憤怒且委屈，本來男人主動回來就是已是原諒了她，可是卻得不到她的回應。男人羞憤交加，於是決定，這第三次如果門還是不開，他將永遠離開這扇門。第三次，門依然沒開，男人傷心地離去。

多年以後的相見，他們已各自結婚。看淡了世事，可是，舊情還沒有在心裡變成死灰。想起當年的光景，彼此都有疑惑。男人問：“我摁了三次門鈴，你為什麼就是不開門？”女人說，聽到第一次門鈴，她還在生氣；聽到第二次門鈴，她心軟了，準備原諒他；聽到第三次門鈴，她從沙發起身走到門邊，等待著第四次門鈴。她想，他如果第四聲摁響門鈴，她將徹底原諒他。可是，已沒有了第四次，女人站在門邊，等待了一夜，淚也流了一夜。

如果有第四次．．．．可是生活已不容假設。第四次的門鈴，在當時的男人看來，是多餘的一次，在女人看來，又是必不可少的一次。

愛情中的一次小小過失，就有可能瓦解婚姻。
若想把愛情演變成婚姻，就得摁住門鈴不鬆手。

 感情是自私的,有時隨便的一句話，會讓對方的心留下永遠的芥蒂，所以，別隨便開類似故事裡的玩笑，否則，雙方都拉不下臉。 

 

 

 

 

I would like to thanks all my dear friends for remembering my birthday, thanks for their ecard, sms message and phone call which filled with their blessings! That's so touching!

everything within this universe has two sides, just like the two sides of a coin.  we have light and we'll have darkness; we have good things and we'll have bad things; we have happiness and sure we'll have sadness; there's love and there's hatred! how much joy you gain from one person, you can have equal amount of sorrow from the same person.  it seems that the most secure thing to find out the balance point. but, where's the equilibrium? even if you found out that, the question is: will you be perfectly happy to stay at that point forever?

 

 

 

 

finally, i have gone through all those horrible tests!!! yeah!! and now, waiting for the report lor!!

I had found an outdated SD card by Nikon which is 8MB (then you'll notice how "old" it is!) the other day.  As it is so old, i cant find any card reader that is capable to transmit the photos out from the card. When i feel that's a shame and nothing i can do, i realize that the  3 in 1 fax machine at home actually have a slot that can read the card! Hahaha......i finally have all the photos back! what a luck!

i had a drink with a friend i haven't seen for 2 years last night. he claimed that he is not a good guy and i do agreed with that but sure he is a funny guy. i guess he's can also be a good friend though i didn't know him very well. on the way he drove me home, i ask him if he's gonna re-open his "consultation letter box", he said i don't need it as i know what i want! haaa.....am i? is it becoz he didn't know me well, or just compare with my friend or maybe deep inside i did know? i do think my friend actually know what she wants but just a matter of choice.

actually the passed away of my friend gives me a great impact. i start thinking about what i want for my life and try to retake my courage to face it.

there are two things that i haven't been doing for a long time and i did it in once this weekend! actually i haven't play badminton and go out for a drink with friends for a long time. this saturday, i did both! i first went back home for a shower and get change after badminton, then go out for a drink with friends! i'm so tired today but i did have a good time and met a few new friends last night. i found i did quite enjoying myself. so i guess i'll do it more often!

bb's health's not really good recently, i guess she has too much pressure, mainly for work and study. she really needs a break and relax. we have been talking the other day that we should move to somewherelse (uk's a good idea as some of her familt's there) together!  at the time being, maybe it's a good idea to plan for a trip like last time to prague. we did have a very good time but we missed the snow. so maybe this time, we'll have luck. Vienna is a good choice. that means i have to save $$$ very very hard this year lar!

i am the kind of person who don't like (well, scare i think) to visit doctor, dentist etc.  but i do agree that a body check once a year is needed. dont know whether it is for fortunate or not, due to some health reason, the most difficult part of the body check will leave til maybe next week. so, i guess today won't be too hard at all. but don't know why my hands' shaking, not due to fear, just a bit dizzy and sharking. maybe lack of glucose? let's get something sweet now!

personally i don't like rainy day, i guess i hate it.  it can always gives you a bad mood! however, i do admire drizzle at spring time. it gives a blue but romantic feelings and reminds me the days at England.  i don't have much good and intense memory for rainy day.  except that i remember once, which happened ages ago at London.  I did have some childlike behavior: i treasure that little umbrella which bring back the good memory for quite a long time!

When I am sharing the tributes with Adrian's friends and family, i have a sudden thought.  If one day i left this world, what will my friends going to share with others about my life in their tributes? I can think of nothing! I didn't have much achievement or did something that i can proud of myself! I am afraid that my friends and family will become speechless or very difficult to find something good of me to say in their tributes!

I have contradiction thoughts after the funeral. As life is so fragile and short, full of uncertainties and out of our control, i should be tresure and satisfied what i have now and learn to know and find out the good things of the people around me? Or i should do whatever makes me happy and seems worth it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merciful Father,
hear our prayers and comfort us;
renew our trust in your Son,
whom you raised from the dead;
strengthen our faith
that Adrian who have died in the love of Christ
will share in his resurrection;
who lives and reigns with you,
now and for ever.